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Quick Question..

Last post 05-28-2009 4:04 AM by BeeMayAyJay. 3 replies.
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  • 05-21-2009 6:53 PM

    • etag12
    • Not Ranked
    • Joined on 01-20-2009
    • SW Missouri
    • Posts 14

    Quick Question..

    My Marine is deployed for the first time. It has been really hard on me. Does the feeling of being alone ever go away? I can surround myself with many people, but no matter how much company I have, I still feel all alone! I hate it.
    *ERIN*






  • 05-22-2009 12:35 AM In reply to

    Re: Quick Question..

    Hi Sweety!

    First, let me introduce myself a little... My name is Branna and my boyfriend Aaron and I have been together since before he went into boot camp. He is about to leave for the sand on deployment #4 a lot sooner than I'd like... but what can you do, eh?

    In response to your question, deployments are really hard for everyone, especially the first one. But every one handles them differently so I'm going to speak just for myself here -  Aaron was the first person I knew in the military, so our first deployment was really a conglomoration of firsts...I thought I was going to go certifiably crazy after he left. None of my friends had ever dated any one in the military, so it was very hard to talk about it with them ( enter online forum, lol). And I couldn't believe that I could miss some one so much (especially at night)! I mean to the point of physical pain! It seemed like time had slowed to a crawl just to spite me. I saw things that reminded me of him nearly everywhere I looked (Even realized the street behind my house was called "Marine Way'). And like you mentioned, if I was out with my friends or my family I would feel completely isolated no matter how hard I tried to have fun. It felt like whatever I did came with this thick layer of suckiness because at the end of the day he was still gone....But don't think that because you're having a hard time with the deployment it means that you're not doing a good job or that you're not strong enough. This is one of those things in life that I think you have to just get used to.

    As far as the lonely feelings going away... I don't want to say that they will or won't go away because that depends on your personality. Some people I know can carry this kind of stuff around and still get through their day just fine. Other women I know will kinda lock the bad thoughts away... for me, it's been almost five years, and I still miss him as much as when he left the first time and the void left when he's gone is still as big. But being alone got easier with each deployment. You learn how to keep your own spirits up and how to distract yourself when you can't just cheer up. I don't think you will know the answer to that question until you get to the other side of this deployment. Next time, you will have a reference for how you're feeling and a better idea of what to expect. With this deployment, it's kinda like learning to walk. I don't know if you want advice but if so - I would say just take it slow. Don't try to be/feel a certain way when you you're not.  It's a fact that deployments are hard and you would be super-human not to be depressed. So, give yourself permission to be sad when you're sad and lonely when you're lonely. And after a good cry, go take a really wonderful bubble bath or catch up on some shows you've been wanting to see (hulu.com!). You will learn a lot about yourself in this time so try to use that...

    Keep in mind, though, that as hard as this is on us it sucks royally for them. And you want to be that soft place for him to land when he gets home.

    I hope this helps. Keep us posted on what's going on and if you ever need to talk just PM me!

    Take Care!

    Loving him while he is home; loving him while he is away.

    "All days are nights to see till I see thee, And nights bright days when dreams do show thee me."
    Son. 43/ W. Shakespeare
  • 05-23-2009 8:01 AM In reply to

    Re: Quick Question..

    Hello,

    I am Maggie, 23 years old and married to my Marine for 4 years. He's been in for 5 years and we've been through 2 deployments. 

    I dont think the feeling of being alone goes away until he's home! But on the plus side, usually the first week to month is the hardest (well was for me) And then its a nice countdown that flies by until homecoming!

    Definitely keep yourself busy, working, school, hang out with friends, do everything and anything. The busier you are the faster the days go! Also another thing to do to feel "closer" to him is send lots of care packages, letters and emails. Everytime I felt lonely I would write my hubby a big old letter! And I would send themed packages. Which made it fun and challenging. every package would have a different them so I would get occupied trying to find some good stuff within that theme to send him.

    Then theres trying to find the perfect homecoming outfit, lol that can take months!

    Anyway I hope your deployment flies by, just keep talking about it how you feel, its okay to be lonely.

    ~*~ Maggie ~*~



  • 05-28-2009 4:04 AM In reply to

    Re: Quick Question..

    happy.endings:
    Then theres trying to find the perfect homecoming outfit, lol that can take months!

     

    Does that include the strategically planned workout program to be able to fit into the outfit before he gets home? LOL That's always my dilemma.

    Loving him while he is home; loving him while he is away.

    "All days are nights to see till I see thee, And nights bright days when dreams do show thee me."
    Son. 43/ W. Shakespeare
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