Sgt Grit Marine Forums

Hi Ladies,

     I'm Lauren. My boyfriend is currently in his 2nd week at boot camp in San Diego and left me the saddest voicemail I have ever heard in my life. We've been together 2 1/2 years and I love him very much.. so it is soooo hard for me to hear him so down. He broke down and started crying towards the end of the message (which of course just about broke my heart). Of course I've written him like a thousand letters already haha but sometimes I just don't feel like that's enough. Any tips or advice you can offer me as to how I can help him get through the next 3 months as well as preserve my own sanity would be greatly appreciated. I have very little knowledge of the Marines although I have tried to do research since he decided to enlist.  

Thanks so much and I appreciate your help,

-Lauren

Hi there! I'm Jolene.23 . And my husband is Anthony also 23. Were stationed at Camp Lejeune NC and we have 2 little girls. Welcome!

I'm sorry your boyfriend sounded so upset when he called. Your very lucky though to have gotten a phone call especially so early. All you can really  do while hes there is WRITE WRITE WRITE!!! And make them positive and upbeat. Tell him about your day and how proud of him you are and can't wait to see him. My husband was pretty depressed and hated bootcamp until about a month before and the DI's started easing up a bit and he could see he was close to being done. Good luck. IF you have any questions at all don't hesitate to ask us. :)

Hi there :) I'm Rachel and I'm 19, my hubby Tim is 20 and we're stationed in Hawaii. You found the right place for support and everything!

I'm sorry your boyfriend sounded so down. It really can take a toll on some of the guys. But he'll pull through it! Just write write write and keep everything positive! Keep him updated on random stuff going on at home too! That's really all you can do is to be a support system...but I'm sure it helps more than you know and will help him have some peace of mind.

I also know a few girls who have left little song lyrics or scriptures at the end of every letter. Gives them a little something extra to look forward to. And send pics here and there! Just be sure that the envelope doesn't get to thick or "out of the ordinary" lol. Don't want anything for the DIs to get on them about!

Hi Lauren! Welcome to the boards! My name is Lacy and my Marine is Kyle. We have a little girl and her name is Abby. We are currently stationed in Hawaii. You've come to the right place for support and advise along the way! It is amazing here!

As far as your first question for us....Keep writing those letters and keep them as upbeat and positive as possible! That is what he's looking forward to each day and what will keep him motivated to get through this time apart! Like the ladies have said before don't make the envelope too bulky or anything that will draw attention for the DI's to get on him about. For your sanity keep as busy as possible. What helps me is to make little milestones for me like looking forward to Saturday because of a birthday party or going to the pool w/ the family ect... Don't look at it in one whole length of time apart cause it goes alot slower for you! We are here to help you with your sanity too! :)

Hi Lauren, nice to "meet" you!  Almost 3 years ago, when my then boyfriend was in boot camp, I too got a call 2 weeks after he left that broke my heart  (I remember that call clearly, I was standing in the middle of the mall with a good friend, crying like a baby while on the phone, while she convinced everyone around me that I was ok).  He begged for letters in that conversation, and in the letters I recieved--I promise I was writing him, had started mailing letters the day I got his address, but had started writing the day he left--they were in the mail (most I believe were already in San Diego), because a few days later, I got a letter from him so excited that his girl wrote him bunches of letters and hadn't forgotten him.  Don't lose hope, the mail is crazy!  Most, if not all, of the letters eventually caught up to him.  As for something to cheer him up in his letters how about motovational quotes, newspaper clippings about a favorite sports team/local events (NOT depressing stuff), cute comic strips from the paper, and maybe a photo or two of you/you and him in the letters, anything to keep him in contact with the outside world and life back home--whatever you send along those lines, make sure it is thin, like a letter (maybe print the pictures on typing paper).  Beyond stuff like that, DO NOT send anything that he doesn't ask for specifically!!!

As for your own sanity, go out with friends, take up a new hobby, keep a journal, talk to others who are/have been right where you are (you're already doing good with that---you've found us!--we're here for you whenever you need us).  I know that what got me through some days when my then boyfriend was gone were 3 of my now best friends here at school (1 I had known for years, 2 I met while wearing a Marine shirt), who were also dating Marines.  Their Marines were farther along in the Marine Corps journey, so they were always there for a friendly hug and a bit of motovation when I was missing him, just I was there for them, when the deployments their Marines were facing were too much for them.  Those 3 girls and I had weekly "dates" where we'd all get dressed up for dinner and go to a movie or something, that way we had something to look forward to to get us through the week.

Now that it appears that I've written a book (and because I have to run to class), I'll close with be supportive of him, this is more than likely the toughest think he's faced in life so far, so it will be hard--boot camp is for creating Marines, so it isn't expected to be easy.  But also, please remember while taking care of him, be sure to take care of yourself, becuase you are important too!

 If you ever need someone to talk to, we're here for you!

Hi, Lauren.  I'm Sara and my Marine is Sonny.  He just graduated from boot camp in February, so everything you're going through is fresh in my mind!  When Sonny was there, the first month's worth of letters were pretty down - he wondered if he had made a mistake and if he'd ever be able to get through this.  From what I've heard, that feeling is 100% normal.  Just keep writing to him, like the other girls said.  Tell him how proud of him you are and that you understand that what he's going through is sucky, but it'll be worth it in the end.  Something that helped Sonny was just knowing that I was doing everything I could to support him.  Apparently, there's a lot of talk in boot about girlfriends taking off and not being the most faithful creatures...  It helped Sonny to know that I had done a lot to educate myself on the Marines and joined Grits and that while I wasn't physically in boot camp with him, I was doing everything I could to be part of this adventure with him.  Just keep writing those letters!  Hang in there - the next couple of months will fly by!  And graduation is amazing. 

Hey there. I'm Melissa and my Marine is Roly. He graduated boot in December and just finished SOI. I'm so sorry you are having such a hard time. It's definitely not easy for either party.

But you've received excellent advice. Write your little hand off. And keep all the letters positive. Roly said my letters were great because I'd just tell him about what was going on with me, the cats, life and he said it was like we were having a conversation. The letters help so much. And the first few weeks are the toughest. Their lives are turned upside down and sideways and they don't know which way is up. What helped me besides writing every day was checking out the boot camp training calendar. If you can find that online it helps b/c it gives you an idea of what he's doing each day and gives you a little something else to write about. :)

He'll be ok...especially with your support. And these ladies are awesome so hope we see more of you.

Welcome!  I'm Mariel.  I'm 21 and currently attending college.  My boyfriend, Jason, is also 21 and is a machine gunner stationed at Camp Lejeune.  We've been together 5 years.

As for boot camp, be sure to write often!  Jason said letters from home helped so much.  I sent him written on a seperate sheet of paper a tic,tac,toe game.  He would check the box and then send it back.  It was always great to get that piece of paper with the game back and Jason said it was fun for him, too.  We completed the game days before he graduated.  I still have the piece of paper somewhere. 

Anyways, if you have any questions, feel free to ask. =)

Hey Lauren!! welcome! My name is Lycia, my Marine is Joe. He is stationed in Japan. I was in your shoes last year and all of us girls feel your pain. They pretty much have said it all, just write to him everyday day! Dont write anything sad, it will only make him more sad. Like some of the girls said, i used to write quotes from books, song lyrics at the end of each letter. I used to send him some news, pictures of me ( joe told me his DI used to always look at the pictures i sent and be like " wow she is hot, what did you do to get her" lol haha) i also sent pages of sports magazines and just things he would like to read. I hope the weeks to follow get easier for you. Just make sure to keep yourself busy!! You will learn to love and HATE your mailbox everyday!! haha

Melster:

What helped me besides writing every day was checking out the boot camp training calendar. If you can find that online it helps b/c it gives you an idea of what he's doing each day and gives you a little something else to write about. :)

He'll be ok...especially with your support. And these ladies are awesome so hope we see more of you.

Here's a link to the calender Melissa mentioned

http://www.mcrdsd.usmc.mil/RTR/RTR_Matrix%201.htm

(Oh, and Mariel, the tic-tac-toe idea is so cute!)

Hi Lauren, my name is Natasha. I'm 19 next week and my boyfriend, Joshua is 18.

 I know it's hard, but both of you will look back at all this and won't believe how quickly time has passed! I went through this about a year ago [gosh... hard to believe]. I just suggest keeping everything in your letters positive. Do what you can to make him smile and don't dwell on boot camp too much, get his mind off those things. :] When I went through this I sent a few wallet sized photos to my recruit and wrote him every day.

Thanks so much ladies! You all have been so sweet and so helpful! I've written him a thousand letters already and stuck a few pictures in when I could be discreet haha. I'm glad to hear things will get better for him soon.. I hate to hear him sound so beaten down. 

My new question is slightly more tricky and requires a little backgroud. As I said before, Nick and I have been together for about 2 1/2 years now.. and they have been a pretty tough 2 years. Nick grew up with a father who cheated on his mom constantly and beat her up pretty regularly until about 5 years ago. So as a result, his views of how you should treat women are rather skewed. He's never hit me or physically abused me, but he's cheated on me several times.. mostly its insecurity and immaturity. He also has authority issues, which has made holding a job hard for him. (Haha all of this makes him sound like such a bad guy, but I promise he has plenty of fabulous qualities too!) From what I'm hearing, it sounds like boot camp will take care of his authority problems, but he has told me many times that he wants to marry me and would like us to be engaged in the next year or so...

My question is.. are the Marines going to encourage him to be a better man or am I going to have people encouraging him to go back to acting like a dog? Haha I know that sounds funny, I just keep having people tell me that Marines basically go to work on base during the day and then go get wasted at night. This stresses me out a little! I really love Nick and want to spend the rest of my life with him, but all the things I hear make me think that while he's active perhaps I'd be better off to leave him be.

Sorry this was so long! But you all seem to know more about Marine men than me, so I figured you would be the ones to ask! 

laurenAshley632:

are the Marines going to encourage him to be a better man

Of course they're going to encourage  him to be a better man.  Whether or not he heeds that instruction and applies it to his "home life" is entirely up to him.  Good luck, honey. 

 Ya, I feel like I worded that wrong.. I know they aren't concerned with/can't correct relationship issues haha.. I guess I'm just hoping there is going to be more positive influences and less "lets get f***ed up every night". I just keep hearing really negative things about Marines as a whole and it scares me. :[

Hmmmm, this is a toughy. Ok, he will learn some respect, and obidience in boot. thats for sure, but nothings garantees that he wont go back to his old ways. Joe came back a completely new person, but more and more he goes back to his "old" self. I swear there a phases they go through after boot, MCT, and SOI school. After boot he was all like yah, im a Marine and was all kind and respectful. The more he started hanging out with people at his school the more he went back to his old self. Joe is the type of person that when he gets mad, he gets maddddd. He will turn into a complete jerk. So, it depends on who he hangs out with at base and the people he meets. There are lots of good Marines out there, and some that aren't.  Joe ended up hanging out with people i had no trust with based on stories, pictures i used to hear about and look at. He did make stupid decisions and one that i will never truely forget about and forgive him. The whole going out getting wasted thing, can be true dependon the type of person your bf is. Joe was the person that loves to drink and party with his friends before the Marines, and that barely changed. He used to always go out and get drunk, but that has started to change after i did some "yelling" and B%iTching at him. Im not saying the Marines have not changed joe for the better,cuz it also has, he has learned a lot about responsabilities, hard work,honor etc. So the answer to your question is very hard to say, because it wall depends on the person, and the relationship you are in with him, if he has stopped with the cheating for good or it just keeps happening. I would recommend having a serious talk with him after boot and everything about what is best for you two, if he really wants to work hard for your relationship. I dont know if  was able to help you at all, because its such a tough issue and it varies from person to person. I wish you the best of luck hun! if you need anything else im here for you and so are all the girls!

You really did help, thanks so much! Nick definitely loves to drink and hang with friends.. which is cool with me..but he just hasn't always made the best decisions when he drinks, ya know? He'll be at MOS school in Virginia.. and I'll be here in Texas.. and while I do plan to visit as much as I can, I don't wanna play games. So I guess I'll just start praying right now that God will provide him with the right kind of friends and that Nick will keep his promises this time around. But seriously, thanks for telling me about Joe.. it helps a lot to hear things from people who have actually lived it!

no problem girl. Its really a roller coaster ride, i had many ups and some downs. I just keep joe on a tight leash ever since an incident in Japan but we are working at our relationship and things are going very well. Dont get your self all worried about it now hun! He might come back a totally different man and continue that way!

haha ya, i really try not to think too far ahead if i can help it.. i'm just really excited that he's making positive steps forward. if he hadn't chosen to enlist i really don't know what would have ended up happening to him.. i know we probably wouldn't be together right now. so im very thankful :] i miss him oh so much, but i'd gladly miss him for a few months to have him become the man that i know he is! :]

Ditto what Lycia said.  Sonny said that becoming a Marine didn't change him - it brought out the qualities that were kind of hidden within him.  He's way more responsible and respectful now - and I don't think that that'll change - mostly because he was a great guy to begin with.  That said, Sonny has a friend (o.k.  more of a "friend of a friend") who recently got out of the Marine Corps.  This guys is never allowed to step foot in my house again because he's a rude, obnoxious drunk.  Apparently, he's been an a-hole since birth and that was, unfortunately, the quality within him that was magnified...  Some people adopt the Marine Corp values into their life, others think of it as a job they'll do for a few years and then move on.  Everyone is different.  The only advice I can really give you is to just take things one step at a time.  Hopefully your boyfriend will do some serious soul searching and his amazing qualities will come out and his not-so-amazing ones will go away. 

TJ and I were married right before he left for boot . He was stationed in NC for almost a year until I moved down with our daughter. He made some great friends and also had a bad friend. I of course worried about what he was doing because in Jacksonville there really is nothing for them to do but drink. My I ended up moving down here early because my husband was getting pretty bad with the drinking . He spent a whole $600 in 2 weeks on booze. He was really good about telling his friends no if they were gonna go to a strip club or something but yes alot of Marines drink. Hopefully your boyfriend can control himself a little you know and make great choices. Maybe him going to bootcamp will change his views on a few things.

i can onlyyy hope. i just want to be able to trust him. i'm not a cheater, never will be. if i give someone my word, i'll never go back on it. so all i can ask from him is the same. as long as we have an understanding that we both remain faithful to each other.. he can drink himself under the table everyday for all i care hahaa (kidding of course). so maybe boot camp will make him a more trustworthy individual *crosses fingers* lol.

all i can say is, if those DI's can manage to whip his butt into shape in 3 months after I've been trying for 2 years.. I will personally shake their hand and hand them a check for any amount of money they want! hahaaa

To gave you my prespective on it, yes it will improve him. 

Honestly it definitely made me a better man, as looking back on my life before Boot I wasn't a man just a grown boy.  You will notice the change slowly in his letters.

Far as married in the Corps, let the ladies help you on that one, I was single my whole time in, had one close call though.  Was 12hrs before I do's before that one ended.